A Birth Story
Last December, Witt and I headed to Coffea to sit down and dream about 2020. Of course, we couldn’t have predicted this year would be what it is but we wanted to write out our goals and dreams and intentions and boundaries. We had never picked a word of the year but we decided that might be nice. Our word? CREATE.
And boy did we get to work on that one. We knew we wanted a baby, we were ready for that. And we knew we’d be opening Selah Space in some capacity. This was a moving target and a rollercoaster of dreams. It seems like daily that dream shifted. One day I was meeting with realtors to see possible locations for my full blown dream, the next I was telling Witt this was something I would ease into and we’d do it for real when the kids were in school.
Selah Space has been in 4 locations in 2020. I was able to create space for people and myself in all of them. And God has created the opportunity for me to create my full-blown, everything on my wish list space in the midst of all that 2020 is and isn’t…29 days after giving birth to my sweet son.
To tell you the truth, I knew He would do that to me. I knew He would teach me big lessons about patience and discernment and His timing and power and my limitations and how He doesn’t worry about those. And I knew that He knew that the only way I’d really accept this teaching in my spirit was for me to give birth to twins: one tender, sweet little boy and one beautiful, purpose fulfilling business.
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Marek’s birth story and the story of Selah Space have a lot of parallels. And I’ve been mulling over the best way to share these with you. I think the best way is to share Marek’s birth story and let you find the connections as we experience the unfolding of Selah Space in the coming months.
Marek
I wanted him out. At his 34 week ultrasound, this little man’s head was measuring 6 weeks ahead of schedule. No, thank you, please. The ultrasound tech and then my sassy and hilarious doctor just laughed at and with us as we asked what happened when he went from the 99th percentile to the 100th? Does it keep going? Can he be in the 105th percentile? Will his head stop growing or will it keep growing indefinitely? Will I have to have a C-section? I really don’t want a C-section?
At 36 weeks I started asking about induction. He was heavy, guys. And I had a signed lease for a building I was going to need to start paying rent for and so I really needed to open my business. I’d like to share here that I am not a monster. I didn’t want my baby out early. It’s important for you to know that we had 2 different due dates. One telling me I was 38 weeks at this point, and one telling me I was 36 weeks. His measurements aligned with the 38 week date. my feelings aligned with the 38 week date. The only thing that seemed to align with the 36 week date, was my chart. Also, I had been told for months by my doctor, my chiropractor, and my husband that there was “no way” I’d make it past 37 weeks. NO WAY. So I was losing it a little bit.
At this point, I was have contractions every day and a heck of a lot of back labor. yaaaayyy…
At my 38 week appointment, my doctor told me that if he didn’t come on his own by the following week, we’d schedule an induction date. I felt super conflicted about this. On the one hand, free me from this prison. On the other hand, I wanted to do this naturally because Audrey was induced and that’s not something I loved experiencing.
That Friday, I had a chiropractor appointment. I asked Dr. Nichole to do whatever she could to get this little man out. She mad sure he was in the right position, applied some acupressure seeds on induction points, and sent me home with the recipe for a labor cocktail. I texted Witt and asked him to pick up the ingredients on his way home. At 5:30, with the help from an inspirational “Remember the Titans” quote, I drank the nasty concoction and asked my friend to come over and hang out and then maybe stay with Audrey if the labor cocktail ended up being effective. It was. When Witt and Audrey headed downstairs to do bedtime at 7:30, I suggested he hurry because I thought we’d better get going. The contractions were definitely real, but I was incredibly peaceful between contractions.
After Witt put Audrey to bed, packed up the car, and cleaned out his ears (yes, really). We headed to the hospital. Our sweet used van has incredibly poor shocks which I think helped aid in the whole process. When we got to the hospital, they checked us in and took us upstairs. They wasted no time in checking me and found me to already be 5.5 cm dilated. They opted to save all of the intake questions until they got us into a birthing suite. While one nurse put in my IV and took a blood draw to check my platelet count, the other asked all of those questions. I bled like crazy when she put in the IV and my heart sank a little. That usually means my platelet count was low. I didn’t want steroids. I didn’t want to hemorrhage. I had worked so hard to keep my platelet count above 100,000 and I had been successful throughout the whole pregnancy. To have it drop at the buzzer felt like the greatest disappointment. A few minutes later, the Doctor came in to check me and found me to already be at a a 7.5—thank you labor cocktail. He also let me know that my platelet count was 101,000 (whoop whoop!)
Then my sweet nurse said “You know what? I’m just going to have them wheel everything in here juuust in case because I think you’re going to go pretty quickly.”
I told her that she was going to jinx it by doing that. She assured me that wouldn’t be the case. It was about 10:30 PM. Then Witt, my nurse Katie and I joked around for a while. We watched Hobbs and Shaw between contractions and debated middle names. I instructed Witt about what oils to use when and we pretty much had a nice evening.
At around 12:00 PM, I was still stuck at a 7.5. Told you. My doctor broke my water and then the back labor really amped up. At about 2:00 AM, still holding steady at 7.5, Katie suggested a bath and a popsicle. That felt like a dream until I got to hot and started to panic. Back in bed, on my hands and knees with Katie and Witt fanning me to cool me down, the back labor hit new levels of cruel and was painful even between contractions. I very sternly (in my head, I was probably crying and hysterical), said that we needed a new plan. Katie calmly asked if I’d like to hear my options. They were as follows:
Fentanyl. No thank you, I had that with Audrey and it did not help with the pain, just made me feel drunk and in pain.
Back in the Tub. Too hot, please no.
Try a new position. Katie, please.
You can have a epidural.
Shut the front door. Seriously?
I didn’t think that was an option for 3 reasons. 1. This was a hard no from the moment I got pregnant with Audrey because there were serious risks with my platelet disorder, 2. I was under the impression that after 6 cm, you lost your chance, and 3. I consider myself to be very crunchy and didn’t want to fill my body with poison.
Here is the deal though, the painful back labor was causing me to tighten and lock my hips and since it was constant, not just during contractions, there wasn’t any room for my cervix to finish dilating. On top of that, my platelet condition causes extreme fatigue and exhaustion so I was losing a lot of steam and my body was trying to protect me so it was slowing down the labor process. By choosing an epidural, my body was able to rest and relax in order to finish the job it started. And I realized quickly that my stubbornness in wanting to do this naturally could very easily land me in an OR getting a C-section.
The nicest man came in, covered my back with blue soap and tape and poked me with a large needle. Then I was instantly relaxed. Witt and I took a 2 hour nap, until Katie woke me up to check my, now very lazy, progress. We were ready to go, so she brought everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE in. It’s definitely new resident season because everybody had a buddy.
I had many people asking what oils I was diffusing and we talked about that while two nurses periodically picked up my very numb legs and told me to push. I did my best, laughing that I had no idea if I was doing it or not. Witt hung out by my head joking that he was glad I wasn’t in any pain but that he didn’t really know what his role was without a need to be comforted and encouraged.
at 7:20 AM we began the pushing process and at 7:37, Dr. Sierra told me to give him one big push and then “let your body do the rest on it’s own.” I thought that was a a ridiculous thing to say. What? This baby is just going come sliding out gently and with no effort? But I followed instructions to a T because I didn’t with Audrey and I paid for that big time. I gave the big push that was requested and heard Witt yell “His ears are huge!” and then, as instructed, I relaxed and that tender little boy gently made his was earth-side all on his own, with an incredibly regularly sized head even!
The rest is, of course a blur. It was over. And we had made it to the good part. No hemorrhaging, no need for steroids, no pain, no tearing, no fear. Just baby snuggles and the creation story and more questions about why it smelled so good in my room. We put Myrrh on his umbilical cord and Melissa oil on his feet and we did all kinds of praying and thanking.
We got to go home just a little over 24 hours later which was a lovely feeling. Audrey was very excited to meet and not so willing to share her little brother. I was back to meeting with potential practitioners and scheduling appointments before he was a week old because it felt good. I felt good. And he makes a great assistant. I cannot believe how much easier it is to recover from your second babe than it is your first. What an amazing relief.
Marek is three weeks old today. And I am sitting here so utterly in awe of how incredible this last few weeks has been. We’ve come a long way together. I was attuned and certified as a reiki healer while 5 months pregnant with him, now I am seeing clients while he naps in the next room, or snuggly wrapped up on my chest during a spiritual direction session.
A business and a baby all in 29 days is not a how a reasonable person would plan their year. But this way, God gets to take all the credit. Because I could not and would not have done these things in tandem without His provision and planning. And that’s how I know both things are just completely good. And why I don’t have fears about 2020 ruining the things He has helped us create this year.
Pregnancy, and what seems like our theme of 2020 is a constant stop and and start. I have felt like I’m in a never ending time out, only to feel like my whole life is experiencing whiplash the next day. But it is a beautiful rhythm to dance to, when you are able to look up and see what God is creating in you.