It Takes a village…forever

This blog post was written in August but it is so fitting with this week of grand opening, I had to share it again.

As we prepare for another tiny human to fill our days with tiny human socks and breast feeding and swaddle techniques, I keep wondering: how on God’s green earth do I get two kids in car seats into my car by myself?

This is the biggest fear of all of it for me. Which do I set on the ground while I put the first one in? The one capable of running off? Or the defenseless babe in a carrier? How do I hold a toddler’s hand, a diaper bag, and an entire baby in a car seat without dropping anything? Where will my keys be? Will I find them? Can you even do a Target run with two kids?!

It’s totally and completely terrifying to me. It’s also 100% irrational because I know it’s possible because my mom was a single mom with two kids at around this time in her life and if she can do it, I have to be able to do it. And also I can hear her in my head saying “Oh pft. You’ll be fine,” and you can’t really argue with that logic.

But here is the thing I keep hearing God whisper to me when I head down this rabbit hole: It takes a village, Jada.

And I always thought that referred to kids. It takes a village to raise them. They need the village. And certainly they do, too. We forget how important community is when it’s so much easier to stay home. It’s less stressful, it’s less outgoing, it’s cheaper, there is less drama, and no one knows about the tantrums you and your daughter are throwing if you’re at home.

But that common phrase, “it takes a village,” That’s for the grown-ups. That’s for the mom’s. That’s for all women. It takes a village. To raise a child, to start a business, to heal from your past.

We all deeply need a village. As the world industrialized and became the money-grabbing, power-hungry world it did, we focused on productivity. And because focusing for 8 hours a day on work without socialization is exhausting, we decided that home-life needed to be about unwinding and alone-time.

These are good things, but where is the village in that? Your co-workers become your village. And this is something I could dive really deep into but I’m not going to because we all have lives and I try to keep these short. So suffice it to say, you may very well have nothing in common with your co-workers except your work. And that means, the conversation is usually cheap. Meaning, you are probably complaining and venting about work. And then you end up complaining and venting about your husbands or that guy who hit on you so creepily at the bar, and how your roommates never do the dishes (either because they are 3 or because they are gross adults). That cheap conversation is not helpful, nurturing, or restoring. No one in that village is necessarily holding you up.

And what if you work from home or you are a stay at homer? What of your village then?

This is why we need to cultivate a village for ourselves. It’s not proximity based anymore. More than half of my village is on the west-side or out of town. But I have cultivated a village anyway, full of people who are here for me and that I can be here for.

The work I do, spiritual direction and reiki? It’s hard stuff. It’s heavy stuff. It’s emotional and spiritual and powerful. If I didn’t have a spiritual director (or 2…I have 2), my own reiki healer, and friends who are supporting me with prayer and insight, and a husband who is so supportive of my work that I often just sit and cry about it? I’d have stopped before I ever really got going.

They hold me in prayer. They celebrate and mourn with me. We learn and grow from one another and many of them will be there to hold Audrey’s hand while I put this other tiny human in the car. That’s why I’ll be fine.

Who is a part of your village? Who supports you? Who holds you in prayer? Who brings the wine and encourages you to start therapy? Who drags your butt to church and to a yoga class and for a walk because that’s what you need? Who sends you books to read to help you understand this new thing your experiencing?

If you don’t have a village, let us help you find one. Because that’s the whole point of Selah Space.