Appropriate Levels of Care

It’s time to get really clear about Spiritual Direction, as much for my well being as yours.

At times, the lines get so blurred, particularly when looking at those lines through tears (a very common occurrence when in session with me). So much gets shared with me in Spiritual Direction and I hold every little piece with the tenderness, humility, and reverence of someone finding a precious heirloom or hidden treasure. It’s an honor to hold space for others and one I don’t take for granted.

That’s why it’s so difficult for me when I come to a place with a client where I have to encourage them to seek additional healing with a counselor or psychiatrist. I know the strength, courage and vulnerability it took to get yourself to schedule an appointment and show up in my office to pour your soul out on to the floor for us to sort through. It’s hard work just to get there. And then to tell you that this isn’t all for you—that you need more of a team of healers and helpers than just me—so hard. For both of us.

But here is the thing, you would not want an EMT to perform your open heart surgery. I don’t care how great they are. Or how great of a relationship you’ve built with them. You want a heart surgeon to perform your heart surgery.

And yes, you want your mommy to kiss it and make it better when you fall down and scrape your knee, but I doubt many of you want your mommy to reset a broken bone for you. I certainly don’t.

It’s so easy to get comfortable with the people we feel comfortable talking to. When we get comfy, when you start curling up with the cozy throw blanket on my couch and stop apologizing when the tears start streaming, it’s easy to get off track and start down the road that leads to working on your childhood trauma or asking me to help you solve your depression. I’ve been there with my spiritual director. And there came a time when we had to decide together that I needed to see a counselor in addition to my director.

And that’s so so good. It’s so much more than okay. Why? Because that’s what’s appropriate. It’s healthier for director and directee. We often need a team of care givers. Usually. Almost always. Because just like your spouse can’t be everything to you, neither than your spiritual director, your personal trainer, your hair stylist…you get the idea. “It takes a village” doesn’t have an age limit. You don’t grow out of needing a village of people to care for you, and you them. We all need friends, teachers, mentors, medical professionals, baristas, and moms.

So don’t be surprised and certainly don’t be discouraged if you are referred to extra care. This isn’t special ed for the spiritual/emotional. You just so happen to be in a season that requires a team of care. And what a gift to have someone who is watching with you, to let you know when you do cross that line into needing more. Because you also have that person watching with you to let you know when you are ready to be done with that extra care.

The best explanation of Spiritual Direction I have ever heard is that of the Grandmother of Spiritual Direction, Margaret Guenther. She describes a spiritual director as a spiritual midwife. They are there to support you, to walk you through the process of connecting more deeply to God, to your spirit. Much like a midwife is there to help healthy women through the process of giving birth.

The key to this is that midwives, help HEALTHY mothers give birth. They don’t accept something outside of their realm of care. If you have a pre-existing condition, you also need to see a doctor or may have to only see a doctor. Because that’s what’s best for you and baby.

The same goes for spiritual direction. I cannot treat your depression. I can walk with you through your healing process. I can help you hold your depression. I can help you sort through how God is working in you in the midst of your depression. But I can’t TREAT anything. However, I am quite connected in the psychological community in Sioux Falls because that is actually what I intended to pursue as a career. So as we are walking together, as I am helping you to create space for spiritual growth and understanding, I can help you connect with the right counselor for your needs as they arise.

I made this little diagram for your benefit. I hope it helps you to make clear expectations with yourself as you’re in the process of discerning and deciding what the best step for you on this healing journey might be. And I so deeply love to help with this process. I love to walk alongside you, cheer you on, hold you and your spirit in prayer as you heal. What an awesome gift to be a part of that healing work.